becoming an adult

as you can see, I am blogging multiple times today.

I guess I am a tad hurt and wounded by the comments that S has made. I guess it's because of all these restraints that have suddenly been place upon me without warning. "a little warning goes a long way". It's like in high school no one would tell you what the adult world was like (but would I have listened?). All these conventions like not using 'Hey' as a greeting in an email without so much as an explanation. All these arbitrary conventions created by people that I don't even know and without reason and you know how I go on about reason.

This has just been a political few weeks with so many details in things that don't really matter to me. Protocol and how my words have been perceived. It just makes me hang my head in disappointment and frustration. It's not that I'm not sorry for the things I've said that have hurt people; I am. It's just that it feels very restrictive for me. To protect others, I must restrain myself and strip myself of much of who I've created myself to be. It's a deep sigh.

I know you must think I'm mad now so I'll sum it all up and come to the point. I need your prayer to change and mature. I've lost so much of myself that I need your filling that I may be whole again. I need your peace in my life that I may be silent. I need your grace in my life teaching me to be content.

I guess this is that whole chopping up your body verse. May I lose my tongue before I lose myself in this hell that I have created.