Another Valentines

I did not celebrate Valentines this year with Joyce on the appointed day as planned because I had two midterms and an assignment due the next day. However she was quite understanding and we celebrated earlier and I should probably make it up to her next week again. But this post is about another valentines I recieved yesterday.

It was quite the Feb 14th. I was quite depressed and it still lingers with me. You see, I have some financial problems that have been bothering me since I started working at Volvo. I don't make as much money as I use to because I chose to work less and 'study more' and this has been quite hard on me. I use to spend money and never have to worry about it. Last night I worked out my expenses and after everything, I had about $25 dollars to spend a month if i kept up my lifestyle of going out once a week with the boys and then joyce and including tithing and saving 10% and other stuff. I did have to cut back on eating out at work but this sucks eh? Out of the $500 i make, I am left with a small fraction of it to spend on myself as I please. I can't even save money because $50 a month is nothing to save. Needless to say, I'm not in a very happy mood and I feel quite powerless.

They say you should decrease spending and find a way to increase income if you are in these situations but I can't because I am in school and have other commitments that I have already made.


So I read a Psalm yesterday as I always do for ETS. I read Psalm 136 and looked for an application in my frustration. I couldn't believe my rotten luck. Lost my ipod and DS Lite the week before and now here I am, having to budget my money down to the penny because I had no money. And to make things worse, I owe my parents at least $2000. I could never pay them back at the rate of savings I was moving at. Typing this out gets me frustrated and depressed all over again. Depressed knowing that I need to hold it out until I graduate. And you know what else is even more frustrating? Having to focus on school. I can't focus when I know that I am in a financial HOLE. That is all I can think about right now. I don't even know how people cope with student loans...

Finally, at night...after a long night of studying, I headed off to bed at 3am knowing that I would probably fail my 2 midterms because it is impossibly hard to study for 2 things at once. It was not a fun day. Quite depressing. Then I read Psalm 136 again..because I am suppose to write my thoughts down and a prayer. I chuckled and thought, why would I have anything to pray about...this psalm is just about How God saves the Israelites...just like the last 135 psalms i've read.

As I read it again, I noticed this:

His Steadfast Love Endures forever.

Again and again. Between every line was this sentence. Read it if you don't believe me.

And what a beautiful valentines that is from God. To know his love endures forever, right when you feel like you are in a hole. In the midst of depression, like Elijah after the prophets of Baal. And I thought about the day when I would be married and how a day may come that we would be pressed for money and a simple "I Love You" from my wife would brighten my day. Just to know that she would be there to stick it out in thick and thin would just make my day better.

I slept pretty well for those 3 hours and woke up in a panic when I realized I was late for my midterms :)
I just hope I can carry this valentine smile for the rest of the day

Happy Valentines you couples and you singles
His steadfast love endures forever