Lies, truth and freedom

We must become the change we want to see in the world - Mahatma Gandhi

I've never had a thing for Gandhi or any famous political figures. Always feel that they've been blown out of proportion by the public but how true these words are. I've been thinking a lot about change this week, especially in my own life.

Becoming the change we want the world to see has always been a widely accepted concept, especially in my own life. But it's hard, you know? I like to think I haven't given up; but I have in many parts of my life. Things I say like "it's too hard" or "I can't do it". I guess this world has taken it's toll on me eh? almost 22 years now and these lies have embedded themselves in the deepest part of my being.

It struck me yesterday how I have bought into these lies. I have never been good at school and if I'm honest with myself, my idea of best is a B. C's are usually what I get and I am satisfied with them and A's are just out of the question. Bizarre eh? what low standards I have for myself but I have bought into the lie that this is as good as it gets. The highest mark I'll ever achieve is a B. And it really shows, when I go into an exam and leave one, all I can say was "that wasn't bad". I never have a sense of "I could've done better, or I've studied hard enough to get an A". Just thoughts like "I hope I get a B". Isn't that sad?

Because I recall, it says somewhere that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. There is power to have victory, not over school, but over myself. Over the lies that I can only do so much. That I can actually achieve and give 100% and reap a bountiful harvest.

But it's hard you know, hard to convince yourself and remind yourself of the truth because truths and lies live in that same head and feelings come along and make everything seem real.

my confession is that i cannot escape my craving for an iphone. i mean i could use one but i don't need one and i simply cannot get myself to acknowledge the truth. That is, freedom isn't being able to have whatever i crave. Freedom is going without whatever i crave and being fine with it.

So far, i am not free