Choices Pt.2

The idea that God gives free choices is new to me. New to me in the sense that it is never preached and I had never really heard of it before. W mentioned that God has three (at least three) ways of directing us. At times He wants us to do something specific, other times he gives us a choice but let's us know he prefers one over the others, and finally he let's us choose...freely...no strings attached...no "you can choose but there will be consequences".

it's very scary to realize this because of the enormous trusts that he has in us that we will do the right thing. It's almost like placing a knife in the hand of someone and then turning your back trusting that he won't stab you. And why would we? He gives us nothing but good things and plans for us good plans. But we do don't we? Without knowing it, we sometimes stab God in the back. Good things he has entrusted us with we use against him and against others. But he hasn't changed and I remember now. Back in Eden, there was the choice. There were consequences but the choice was so free. Nothing guarded the tree.

And so I have a GTI parked outside the house now and it feels wierd. Partly because I got what I want and I would probably feel better had I got a TDI and been allowed to wallow in my self pity knowing I got something I wanted less. And it's strange because I am so blessed to have a car with no cost yet I am so picky and choosy. He sure knows me and I think He knew that I would have wallowed in knowing I had made a sacrifice. So instead, I was allowed to choose lest I wallow in my pride and self pity and even dare to think that God would hold back a good thing from me. how foolishly absurd of me.

I had already forgotten that He has witheld nothing. When he spent 9 months in ambiotic fluid, when he breathed his first breath and when he breathed his last, he had already given it all. And so now I am ashamed. Ashamed knowing that if I had gotten the TDI, that I would have been less grateful and feel like I had made some sort of spiritual sacrifice. But I wouldn't of sacrificed anything because both are wonderful gifts and the Lord would never give me anything less than the best. I would just have been a bigger fool than I already am. I am just too picky and proud to see that either choice is a wonderful gift.

but i am glad that i have noticed this and not let it slip me by.
gracious padre