Alone into the alone

When I was younger, I was fearless. I welcomed the thought of death and often thought of myself as sort of 'suicidal'. Suicidal not in the sense that I wanted to kill myself as I wouldn't mind death and the release that it would bring. After all, I would be going to heaven right?

But now, as I am heading into my 22 year, I find myself beginning to be deathly afraid of death. Death to me is no longer seeing the light at the end of the tunnel as it is being in the tunnel, in complete darkness.

Alone into the Alone. That is how I think it will be.

I am quite afraid. Perhaps it is all the separation it will bring that I cannot bear. When others grieve, I cannot even imagine bearing that pain. And I know that it will soon come upon me. Mons Certa, Hors Incerta - Death is certian but the hour is uncertain. As I get older, those I know and love grow older.