Yesterday I felt miserable. It was a sort of misery that was a combination of many things. Many physical, psychological and spiritual (so i think) things. The day was just not right. I missed two buses and felt like I wore the wrong shoes. And to top off the whole day. It was pouring rain. I hate the rain but yesterday it was like rain that makes you feel like God is just showering down in his apathy towards men.

It totally coincides with what I was feeling about God too. That I was abandoned here. I even wrote "He is always here when you don't need him and when you need him the most, he seems most distant". That is how I felt as I planned worship. I guess I should confess that yesterday I realized that I no longer believed in the hope of God nor his power to change lives (mostly my own). It's hard to sing and be happy when you come to realize that you don't really want to sing those songs. I have no songs to sing. I remember when I came home, I said to God, this is the rain that makes it feel like you've abandoned us.
I went to sleep miserable.

And guess what I wake up to this morning?

Blue Skies.

Of all things, after a night of downpour, blue skies. I feel my vanity telling me to suppress the joy I feel, that we are not abandoned. That there are songs to sing in exile. Songs to sing when I feel like singing nothing.

"when silence falls, you'll be the song in my heart"

It's that little hope that won't die in me, no matter how I try to kill it.
I guess I'm the child that needs to see a little blue sky once in a while to know that it's still there