A Faith like Abraham?

today reminded me of abraham and issac and the story of the sacrifice
so far all my buyers for the car have backed out and i've been having thoughts of keeping it now
heretical? who knows...
i've been wondering if keeping it would be against the will of God and why not because we know that his will changes
strange strange strange...
i don't even really want to keep my car anymore and i feel sort of disgusted to drive it...sort of like i've said goodbye to someone and we happen to see each other again. like burying the dead and mourning them and then realizing that they are still alive

maybe this is what abraham felt. he came to terms with what God would have him do and mourn the loss of his son in his own heart. then right before the deed was done, when the dagger hung only a few inches from issacs throat, an angel says stop. what emotions...would you even want to keep your son? i would have to imagine my son as dead before i could kill him. he would have already been dead to me.

so this is what i struggle with. the will of god that might not even exist in this instance. why do i say this?
because i've done away with what i wanted to do away with. i have killed the daniel who loved and obsessed over cars. his funeral was in the summer. do i need to burn all of his possessions as well?

it's like abraham, his God was placed first and above everything. his son didn't need to die

maybe this is the same for me. maybe i don't need to sell it
i don't know
maybe there is no will of god here
maybe there is just a choice
who knows
only god knows
not me.