Recognizing the differences

i drove my car today
it still gives me that connection when i drive it...you'd have to be there to know what i mean
i almost feel part of the car when i drive it, like we are one...
then i thought of abraham again.

i'm not really like abraham...we don't have the same faith...he trusted and knew God far better than i do and this was before Jesus came too. i thought some more about how prepared he was to sacrifice his son.

there are major differences between selling my car and sacrificing your son. i'll bet he was even more confused than me too because issac was suppose to be the promised child that would turn abraham's childern into a large nation which would outnumber the stars. how could it be? and i bet joyce would bring this up too...issac was a person. a human being that was inside sarah for 9 months developing and now he would have to die. it's totally different.

but it's not.

these things are funny. someone once said to me that different people value different things and you need to respect that and i now i try to. volvo is like a horse to me, more than transportation, it takes on a soul and personality of it's own and now God is asking me to sacrifice it to him...well sort of.

we are out of the old testament but God is still the same. he plans what is good and tests us so that we may grow. i fear that if i keep the car that i will never get out of this stage. i need to emerge fully from this stage of growth...to know is not enough. Like abraham, God could have sent the angel when abraham left his servants to head to the mountian but he waited. Waited til the altar was built, til the ropes were tied tight and the dagger was set in the deadly motion. i'm sure abraham would have plunged the dagger into issac until the last drop of blood flowed and his son was motionless. i know he would light the altar afterwards and burn his son as a sacrifice. he probably would. then he would probably name the place where he did it something crazy like "God gives and takes away". i could never do it. thank god my test is much less than his.

but now it's time to tie the ropes tight. i can't reason my way out of this saying that God has tested me and found me to be without fault. That is for him to declare. And he shall, for the ropes are tight and the dagger is drawn and only an angel could stop me now.

this is my goodbye