Humility

Three unpublished passionate posts later this is the word that sums up my conclusion...

Humility.

That's all there is.

After almost finishing those last posts about how i don't want to be a Christian anymore because of all the fighting that goes on for who is right.
After all the categorizing on who is in and who is out of this circle called "christians".
After all the superficial words we use only when talking to fellow christians.
After all the people that talk about God but never to God.
After all the ones who say there is a "right" and "wrong" way to interpret the Bible.
And after all those people who claim to be religious and act like that's something to be proud of.

here i am. humbled by You once again.

i hate. i really do hate everything associated with this thing people refer to as christianity but today something i read struck me. it completely caught be blindsided. i had forgotten who i was and everything i stood for was probably all messed up too. it was in the book i'm reading and it was about how we need to be humble when reading the word of God. to let it speak to us and for us to obey. Or else God may just let us hear what we want to hear and we miss the truth. we miss the truth. We might actually become fools and blinded to truth. Imagine that...going about and acting like God had spoken to you and you had a revelation when he did no such thing and you had no idea what you were talking about. we miss the truth.

and you see, that's what i had missed. i had missed the truth. i was too caught up in the whole business of being better than everyone else. When people say that you haven't gone through something and they don't feel like they can talk to you, i pretend like i either went through it already and had conquered it or i pretended like there was no point in going through it. But do you see? it was me trying to come out on top. no matter what, i wanted to know that i was still who i was. smart and knowledgable about the word of God. knowing context and how to interpret the word. knowing and being ahead of the biggest movements.

but i missed it. i interpreted the word but i failed to let it interpret me. i only wanted to hear what i wanted to hear from the word and this is my apology to You. for analyzing your word and pretending it was some book that needs to be changed all the time to minister to different generations when really, i should have listened to You and heard you speak your truth that does not change to this generation that you have already known all about.

i missed it and forgot who i was. i am not an emergent. i am not a evangelical. i am not a post emergent either and sometimes i don't think i'm associated with this group called christians. but i am, and really really want to be a son who longs to hear truth and to live this truth in his life.

i'm sorry. help me to once again be humble as i read and as You speak.